When someone is less than truthful, can you trust that person again? Should you?

IMO one of the most important assets each of us has is our word. Either the truth or our honest opinion, when asked, even if the response is not quite what the asker wants to hear. But some feel that breaking their word, lying or intentionally misleading someone is acceptable or has a valid purpose. Even if they wouldn’t want to be lied to in return.

White lies: No, those pants do not make you look fat. Yes, I like your haircut.
Supposedly these make the recipient feel better. They keep the giver from being put on the spot. I’d rather know that the pants made me look fat so I could put on a more flattering pair.

Lies of Omission: When asked a question, are you obligated to tell the whole truth and nothing but (outside a courtroom)? Does it depend upon who is asking?

Intentional Misleading: I’d like see you again. I’ll call. I didn’t agree to that. The speaker knows very well he/she had no intention of following up, but wants to get off the hook.

Lies on the phone: I’m still at school/the office. My meeting ran late, I’m stuck in traffic. It’s 10:00 and I said I’d call. Everyone has a cell phone these days. You can be anywhere doing anything with anyone (as long as the other person is quiet) and lie. So your spouse won’t know you’re having lunch with the ex you told him/her you wouldn’t see again. So your parents/boss don’t know you’re somewhere you’re not supposed to be.
If the liar gets away with it, he probably thinks, why not continue? That way he can have his cake and eat it, too.

Lies to your face: I’m not having an affair. I’m not at Susie’s. I didn’t take money from your wallet. Often accompanied by righteous indignation, as in, “How dare you think such a thing!” Perhaps the liar thought he could correct the situation—stop the affair, put the money back–before you found out, so it’s ok. What you don’t know won’t hurt you.

Lying to yourself: I don’t drink much, it’s not a problem. My credit card debt isn’t that bad. I don’t need a doctor/therapy. I’m not a bad parent. Perhaps the saddest lies and the hardest to resolve. If you can lie to yourself, chances are you can lie to the world and no one will know that you need help.

Using lies to take advantage/discredit someone: Your father gave this (family item) to me before he died. It’s your word against mine. You didn’t tell me that. The burden is on the innocent victim to right the wrong.

Liars want to make things easier for themselves. The fear of getting caught and concern about hurting others must be less than their need to be untruthful. Some may believe the lie protects the recipient from pain. IMO, even if the truth is hard to take, it’s better to deal with than the loss of trust and sense of betrayal that accompany lies.

So can a leopard change his spots? If the liar is truly sorry for lying, is that enough to convince you it won’t happen again? What/how much proof and/or time would you need to get over a good-sized lie? An article suggesting ways to let go of the pain of broken trust is at Inspired Fitness, here.

A shout out of thanks to faithful readers who approached me at the RWA National Conference in Washington, DC last week to say they enjoyed keeping up with my blog. One, with the enthusiasm of a soap opera fan who anticipates the next juicy episode, pointed out that though I’d offered submission tips gleaned from my recent trip to NY, I’ve neglected to discuss what I’ve decided to do about moving there.

Status: up in the air. The editors suggested I should be an agent, because of my background, there’s potential for better compensation, agenting is easier to break into and can be done anywhere. They pretty much agreed that despite my knowledge of the industry and my writing/editing and marketing experience, I’d pretty much have to start at the very bottom, literally getting coffee and making copies. The agents pointed out how long it can take for a new agent to make any money because it could be months or a year before you make a sale and then months after that before you get any commission. So, given the state of the economy, for the short term at least I’ll stay where I am.

Since then, an editor graciously forwarded a post for a PR assistant. But if I’m going to make the effort to move, I want to start where I want to be, in editorial. And an agent (who I also spoke with in DC) said I could be a reader for her (for the experience. Which would be great, but then I’d have to resign from the RWA board of directors because I’d be involved in the acquisitions process. She also said if I turned one of my medievals into historical fiction, she’d take a look at the partial (first 3 chapters and synopsis). It’s something that has been on my ‘to do’ list for awhile, so I’m looking forward to making the changes now that I already have someone interested.

In the meantime, still waiting to hear on some submissions that have been out there for awhile, and preparing to send those requested in DC. Also trying to be patient during the annual late summer slowdown of both the publishing and acting worlds.

Stay tuned…

Faithful readers might have noticed that I didn’t blog last Thursday. That’s because I and more than 1900 other authors (from the as yet unpublished to prolific NYT best-sellers such as Nora Roberts and Debbie Macomber), editors and literary agents descended on Washington, DC for Romance Writers of America’s® national conference. Attendees could:

–pitch their opuses during 10 minute agent or editor appointments, hoping to get a request for a partial (first three chapters and synopsis) or a full manuscript. The editor I met with laughed out loud several times (as intended, it’s a humorous time travel + paranormal) and requested the full (don’t get too excited, she always ask for fulls).

–go to any of 8 craft, career, publishing industry, writers life or research workshops offered every hour.

–hear editors discuss what they’re looking for and answer questions at publisher spotlights.

–snag free books signed by their favorite authors.

But that’s not all. Many invitation only events were held, including publisher parties/dinners for their authors. I particularly enjoyed Harlequin’s 60th anniversary party at the Ritz (I got to go as an author friend’s “date”), with bars and dessert stations featuring beverages and treats by decade. Some local and online RWA® chapters offered gatherings ranging from The Beau Monde chapter’s Soiree offering Regency period music and a dance master to the Kiss of Death chapter’s annual Death by Chocolate party and pre-conference FBI academy and CIA tour. Agents and editors met with current and potential clients.

And well-known authors spoke, including Janet Evanovich , who wrote 12 romance novels before switching to mysteries. Her Stephanie Plum series usually tops the NYT best-seller list (her July 18 video interview for The New York Times is here and her July 14 appearance on The Today Show here). Though she has published more than 25 novels, she teared up when telling the story of her first sale, an “it’s always darkest before the dawn” tale. As did I, and many others.

What sub-genres are supposedly hot right now? I heard the following: steampunk, urban fantasy, middle grade, “Victorian is the next Regency”, paranormal still but not vampires. Not so much: medievals (unless set in Scotland) or humorous women’s fiction.

For more about the Conference:

listen to Scott Simon of NPR’s story here. He offers his own attempt at writing a romance novel here

or read Monica Hesse of The Washington Post’s story here. (though I am a bit piqued by her description of romance writers: “But if you squint and look for a general appearance trend, this is it: They look kind, comforting, domestic, as if they are wearing perfume made from Fleischmann’s yeast. ” How does one look domestic? And I assure you no one I know would ever wear yeast perfume.)

By “the talk,” I don’t mean the one parents have with their kids about the birds and the bees. I mean the talk kids should have with their parents, but often don’t because of the difficult, sensitive subject matter. The talk about their parents’ finances and assets.

It’s hard to choose the right time for this important conversation. Most people don’t want to ponder their demise. Some might get defensive, thinking the kids just want to know if they’re going to inherit anything. But if you don’t have that talk, you, the heirs, will pay the price later. For example, you won’t know what sort of funeral they’d prefer, or if they’ve already purchased a plot or a cremation contract. Myriad other issues need to be covered, such as: Do they have wills, and if so, where are they? What about a power of attorney? Do they have any investments, Social Security payments? Are there medical bills to be paid?

This happened to me and my siblings when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He never brought up the subject, and I just couldn’t. How can you ask a dying man undergoing chemo what stuff he has and where it is? Ask for his PIN or the password for his bank account?

We had his will, but hardly any other information, records or files. It’s challenging and time consuming enough to close any estate and, say, transfer a 401K to the heirs. While you’re dealing with the loss of your parent, condolences and funeral arrangements, you’re also supposed to be getting copies of the death certificate and other paperwork in order.

Here are just a few examples of the frustrating problems I faced:

–I didn’t know his email password. Despite giving as much info as I could to the provider, I was never able to get in.
–Past due bills started arriving for things we didn’t know he owed. Like the insurance policy on his condo.
–I found a key that looked like it might be for a safe deposit box. It took many phone calls to track down the bank and determine that branch didn’t exist any more.

Consider having the talk with your parents. Resources for further information:

Death Education
respect my wishes
what now?

While I like having many irons in the fire, sometimes it’s nice to get closure. Whatever we’ve applied for, whether it’s a job or graduate school or health insurance, knowing ‘yes’ or ‘no’ allows you to take next steps.

I’m not, however, talking about the closure that comes as a form e-rejection less than an hour after querying an agent. I can’t help but think it’s just an auto-responder, not from a person who actually read my materials.

When I audition, the only way I know I didn’t get the part is if the shoot date passes without word. Few and far between are actual rejections, or “Thanks, but no thanks,” e-mails/calls, which would be particularly helpful if the job is out of town. Because not only are you holding open the shoot date, you’ll probably need to be available the night before and the morning after to get there and back.

And even rarer is finding out if they at least liked your audition. If I knew I was in the top three, I’d know I was in the ballpark and feel better about not getting the gig. Even learning I was in the bottom three would be informative, because I’d know I’d need to work harder/get help with auditioning with that type of copy, etc.

Sometimes I fear my online queries and auditions vanish into the ether of the Internet. But then, poof, I’ll get an email saying I booked a job. On the other hand, the last one I got said the final script would arrive late June. Is it late June yet?

With manuscript submissions, it could take months or years to hear. In May I followed up with an agent who had requested a full manuscript a year ago and asked if she was still interested. She responded that she is, but she’s just way behind. Six more weeks have passed without word.

Waiting is stressful because we can’t really do much to move the process along. So we’re encouraged to let our impatience go, to roll off like water on a duck’s back, and move on. Keep writing, keep auditioning, keep sending out that resume. But the hope, the ‘what if’,’ lingers in the back of our minds. Getting “the call” that I’d sold a book or another agent wanted to represent me would mean my years of writing and submitting were paying off. Getting that big on camera job or a new VO client would be great for my career and pocketbook.

So it’s hard not to wonder, “Is today the day I’ll get great news?” Or at least a little closure.

Last week I offered suggestions of DOs I gathered from being an editor for a day at a major publisher, here. A couple of lingering thoughts before I move on to the DON’Ts:

7. If you have a Web site that looks professional, enhances your brand and has been updated recently (Hmm. Guess I should go update mine…), include the URL in your correspondence.
a) having a site shows that you understand the importance of self-promotion and building an online presence
b) you never know if the editor will check it out.

8. If you’re already published, make sure your query reflects that in the most positive light. The way a couple of already pubbed authors described their experience raised more questions than it answered (I checked with the editor, and she agreed). Consider:
a) mentioning the name of your most successful title
b) including a one sentence review snippet from the best known reviewer you have.
c) though this can be tricky to express concisely, think about letting her know why you are switching houses and/or why you don’t have an agent. We agreed we’d request some pages in any case, but having that info up front might have been helpful.

On to the DON’Ts:

1. No pet hair in the pages. Not kidding.
Also, if you smoke, consider printing your submission at a non-smoking facility. I didn’t come across any in NY, but I have heard editors/agents say they’re sensitive to turning pages and getting a whiff of cigarette smell. I judge a lot of contests, and it’s hard for me to concentrate on scented entries.

2. Do not say how much your colleagues at your day job or your friends and family like your story/writing/whatever. Yes, people did this. And yes, it made them look like novices.
On the other hand, if you happen to have a friend who is an NYT best-seller or an author who writes for that house, and she’ll give you a quote…that’s a different story.

3. Do not say, “this is my first novel.” Armed with the knowledge/experience that many first novels don’t sell, the editor may think you’re not ready. In any case, this isn’t info that the editor needs. Save valuable query letter space for factoids that make you look good.

4. Don’t address your letter using her first and last names: “Dear Susie Editor.” Several people did this. To me this came across as a mail merge form and not a customized letter. Follow the business format and use “Dear Ms. Editor.” If you’ve met her, “Dear Susie” is fine.

5. Don’t make your heroine’s current boyfriend or husband too, too horrible/evil/unpleasant. When a novel starts with the heroine being married or having a boyfriend, chances are he’s going to hit the road in favor of the hero (yeah, he may BE the hero, but I think you know what I mean) or be excised to show the heroine’s personal growth. Though most readers have this expectation, you need to maintain tension and make them think the current guy might work out. If he’s so awful or their relationship is so bad up front, we might think the heroine is TSTL (too stupid to live) because she’s with this complete loser. We might not connect with her and stop reading.

6. This is my favorite DON’T: ABSOLUTELY 100% do not say, “I have a better book I didn’t pitch/submit.” I couldn’t believe when I read that. The editor will think, “Then why am I wasting my time with this one?”
You need to pitch/submit your best work. If it’s not ready to send out, why risk ruining your chance to impress her?
Yes, you may be in an appointment where the editor will say something like, “I don’t acquire aliens with red hair who have secret cowboy babies,” and your red-headed alien secret cowboy baby book is your favorite. But if your other projects aren’t ready for prime time, it’s better to say, “I’ll contact you when I have something you might like.”

Hope these tips help the next time you submit…any questions?

While in New York last week, I had an amazing, eye-opening opportunity: I got to be an editor for a day and read submissions sent to an editor at a major publisher.

She showed me to the spare office housing her submission pile, consisting of unsolicited query letters and manuscript requests she made at conferences (agented submissions were elsewhere). She told me sort them into 3 stacks: YES (she should read them), NO (IMO not ready or not something she’d acquire) and MAYBE (something there but not enough for a YES).

She’d told me she was way behind in responding (as many editors and agents are, because they have so many other things to do), so I’d expected a Rumplestiltskinian mountain of envelopes. I found a fairly large pile, but not overwhelming.

I made my way through nearly 50 submissions, running the gamut from historical to paranormal to YA to women’s fiction (almost all of her requests were partials-synopsis and first three chapters, not full manuscripts).

I’ll divide my gleanings into two posts: DOs and DON’Ts. While the DOs won’t guarantee a sale or even a request for the full, and the DON’Ts won’t guarantee a rejection, these are things authors can control or work on in order to present themselves in the best possible light. I hope these suggestions help aspiring authors hone their submission packages.

So here are the DOs:

1. Use the cover letter to your advantage:

• remind her how you met
• include a short blurb about your book
• single space

By the time she opens your submission (some I opened were from 2007), she probably won’t remember your conversation based on your name alone. I was surprised by how many letters just said something like, “Here is the submission you requested, thanks for your time.” These left me feeling unprepared to read the pages. I wanted to know the usual query letter stuff: genre, word count, a few sentences showing you know your hook and/or goal, motivation and conflict, and a bit about the author’s experience.

And don’t forget to date your letter!! Submissions may get separated from their envelopes or the postmark can be blurred, and if you don’t mention where you met or include the date, she has no way to place your submission. Queries are single spaced, not double.

2. Design some sort of basic, professional letterhead. In today’s market, author self-promotion plays a very important role. So show an editor on first contact that you know how to market yourself. Letters where the author’s name and address were left justified and in the same type face as the body lacked personality and told me nothing about the author or that she knew her brand. I’m not suggesting anything over the top or busy enough to be distracting…name and address centered with a different font (not a crazy one!!) in a tasteful color was enough to let me know this author could set herself apart in an interesting way. If you’re submitting, you should have a business card. So consider incorporating an element from that.

One letter was a photocopy of the author’s stationery…I didn’t like that.

3. Use the least amount of packaging possible. Those sealed with too much of that plastic-y packing tape were very frustrating to open. And took too much time. Also, I learned that envelopes are easier, even for fulls. Boxes are cumbersome.

In the pages themselves,

4. Make sure you reveal information in a way the reader can understand and that you tell the reader what she needs to know when she needs to know it. I got the sense that some authors were purposely holding back information I wanted to know, maybe thinking I’d be more curious and interested.
Nope. I was frustrated and annoyed.

5. Maintain the reader’s interest/excitement/stakes that you establish with your opening hook. I see this a lot in judging contests, too. The first few paragraphs are great and draw me right in. I can’t wait to see what happens or what is said next. Then it’s as if the rug is pulled out from under me. All the tension, the pace is lost because either the thing you thought was suspenseful really isn’t–like you think the hero is in the midst of a medieval battle or a contemporary crime or being chased by an unseen nemesis, but you find out he’s just training/on a simulation. Or you think the heroine has a huge decision to make–and it’s only what to wear on a date.

6. Make sure something happens in your opening scenes. I didn’t see a lot of backstory overload, which I expected, but I did see long scenes where nothing really happens. The characters just stand or sit around and chat. Yes, one use of dialogue is to reveal character, and no, not every book has the pace of a romantic suspense, but I found myself getting very impatient and wanted to skip ahead when nothing was happening at all to move the story forward.
There’s can also be too much play by play, which isn’t story action, but just your heroine going through her day step by step by step by step by step…you get the picture.

Next week—the DON’Ts.