Ruth Kaufman - Award-Winning Author and Romance Writer

Ruth Kaufman is the author of My Life as a Star, My Life as an Extra, My Once & Future Love, The Bride Tournament, Follow Your Heart, At His Command and other books.

What do you love?

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In our busy busy world, sometimes we neglect to make time for activities that don’t contribute to the bottom line but are still important to us. For me, one of those things is choral singing.

I actually got paid the first time I sang in a choir. Fifteen dollars a month, in 5th grade. We sang for women’s groups. I cried when the director told me I had to be an alto. I thought singing harmony was a demotion. Later, of course, I realized that holding your part is more challenging than singing the melody.

By the time I reached high school, my main goal in life was to get into the Viking Choir. They sang on television, toured Europe every other year, made albums, and had lots of parties. And you couldn’t be in school musicals unless you were in choir. Finally, it was an honors class, which meant an A was worth more.

But a grueling audition with our strict choral director, Walter Rodby, was required. You had to sight read–he gave you a piece of music and the starting note, then you had to read the rest off the page with no accompaniment. You had to repeat back patterns played on the piano, sing a variety of scales and chords, and hold your part in the Star Spangled Banner. Voice quality, not my strong suit, counted too. Scoring was kept secret, but rumor said that over 40 out of 50 meant you’d probably get in.

So I took voice lessons. My teacher said, “I have a good track record of getting people into choir. But I don’t know about you.” I scheduled a lesson right before my audition. I cried in the car on the way to school. The girl auditioning before me came out of the room crying.

I survived the audition. By squinting at the piece of paper on the piano, I could see that my score was 43. I got in. In addition to loving the process of learning new pieces and singing them, many of the best moments of my junior and senior years were because of choir…touring Greece, having a half hour Christmas special on WGN-TV, making friends.

I just loved choral singing. So I sang in a symphony choir in college for a couple of semesters and an oratorio society in law school, and sang some amazing music, from Vaughn William’s Dona Nobis Pacem to Mahler’s Symphony of 1000 to highlights from Philip Glass’s Satyagraha. It’s not every day you get to sing in Sanskrit with music that, instead of having every measure written out so you can follow along, had a bracket over a group of measures with a number on top, such as 9. Meaning you had to count while repeating that phrase 9 times.

I remember the thrill of singing Beethoven’s 9th under the direction of the late Christopher Keene. There was something about the energy in the air during one of our performances…as the final chords echoed through the hall, the audience jumped to its feet.

But when I started working, choral singing fell by the wayside. Until a couple of years ago, when the Chicago Bar Assiation formed a chorus. I joined with a friend. We sang Beethoven’s 9th at Navy Pier for 1,100 people. We sang the National Anthem at a Sox game (which can be heard on the CBA Web site.) Now we’re starting Haydn’s Creation.

I’m really enjoying singing again. But all of us…from young to retirees, must make time in our schedules for rehearsals and performances.

What, pun intended, strikes a chord deep within you?

Sticking to it

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Almost everyone has something he or she is working toward…whether it’s finishing (or submitting) that novel, losing 10 pounds, cleaning out the garage, or trying to excercise more/eat healthier.

But how many of us actually reach the goals we set for ourselves? We do reach goals set by our bosses: finish that report by Friday. Because if we don’t, there are consequences…like getting fired. For personal goals, often the only consequence is how unhappy you’re going to be with yourself if you don’t succeed. Many of us have no qualms saying, “I’ll just work out tomorrow,” or “I’d rather do X, I’ll get to that thing Y I want to do another time.”

What makes some of us stick to our goals while others don’t?

Maybe
–careful planning is the key…breaking a big goal, such as writing a novel, into small, doable steps. Say you’ll complete one page (or 250 words) per day, instead of letting the mind boggle at the thought of finishing an entire book. Or decide to clean one drawer at a time instead of letting the messiness of an entire room overwhelm you and stop you from getting started.
— there’s a discipline gene…what if some people have it and some don’t?
–some want to be the Red Hen, not the other barnyard animals: wishing they could reap the benefit eating the bread without having to participate in the baking
–there are those who enjoy talking about what they will do, rather than actually investing the time and effort into making that dream a reality…and end up failing. The hope of “I could have…” vs. the defeat of “Now I know I can’t.”

–they need a motivational buddy, a coach, a supporter, so they know at least one person is recognizing and encouraging their efforts.

–it’s fear of success, how their lives will change if they do succeed.

Are one of these reasons or something else holding you back? Figure out what’s holding you back and take steps to remove or overcome the hindrance(s).

Now you’ve set another goal…will you reach this one?

Customer Service…Take Two

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Everyone with DSL service pays his or her provider for reliable, 24 hour Internet access. Those of us who work at home and need to upload files to industry professionals in a timely manner rely on being able to get online whenever we need to.

My building used to have Comcast cable, so having Comcast Internet led to cost savings. Last summer a neighbor and I experienced Internet that came and went. Both of us spent hours on the phone trying to troubleshoot, and both awaited technicians who never arrived. And at least once, I received a recorded message that the technician was cancelled because the problem had been resolved. Not.

So when my building switched to DirectTV, I switched my Internet to AT&T. I was surprised by how easy the transition was and AT&T’s much lower monthly rate. I was able to install the new modem and connect to the service by my un-techy self. The speed was amazing compared to Comcast, service consistent. All was well.

Until a couple of weeks ago, when my AT&T service started getting spotty. Of course, pinpointing why is the challenge. When you call, of course you don’t get a person right away. The annoying auto attendant voice asks you to say a variety of commands, which he rarely understands. “I think you said ____,” or “Sorry, I’m not sure what you entered.” And there are those long pauses while he processes whatever you’ve said and moves to the next prompt.

When you finally make your way through the maze to a person, he or she starts all over, confirming your phone number and then collecting your complete name and address, last 4 digits of your SSN. I understand the need for security, but this takes too long. Then they want you to trouble shoot a zillion things, even when you know the problem isn’t from your end.

“Turn the modem off. Check the cables.” Like I hadn’t already done those things. “Remove the filter from your DSL phone line.” Ok, hadn’t tried that one. No change. Your account doesn’t show up as registered. So you shouldn’t be getting service at all.” Well, I don’t recall being asked to register and I’ve used AT&T since last November.
That took around 26 minutes. Then a few hours later I got a recorded message that the problem had been resolved. Not.

Even when you call a second time the same day, and when you have a ticket number to refer them to, they insist on starting all over and walking you through every single step. Resolving that, then trying to get a credit on my bill for the time I’d wasted and loss of service took 39 minutes. However, I got transferred from department to department because DSL said Phone had to issue the credit, and Phone sent me back to DSL where I didn’t get to a person but back to the auto attendant and would have had to start all over.

Then when I tried to call to reschedule the technician using the phone number in an email I’d recieved, it turned out to be the wrong number so that took more time than it should have taken.

On another note, why do the numbers you need on the bottom of the modem have to be so tiny?

While each AT&T employee was friendly as he/she read her obvious script, each seemed to have access to different information and advice. The last guy I talked to seemed the most knowledgeable and did some troubleshooting on his end to resolve my DSL issue. Time will tell.

But why does this process have to be so painstakingly frustrating? Can’t customer service departments find ways to simplify and speed up incoming calls? At the very least there should be a way to allow callers to provide each piece of info once, and to track issues so when you call back you can either 1) talk to the same representative who is already familiar with your issue 2) know that the next representative can easily retrieve whatever has gone on before so you can start where you left off.

Now, back to getting that credit…

When are you done?

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These are common pieces of writing advice:

–Allow yourself to write a bad first draft. Get something down, because you can’t revise a blank page.
–After completing a manuscript, set it aside for a few weeks. With fresh eyes, you can revise.
–Have critique partner(s) or beta readers let you know what does/doesn’t work for them so you can revise.

So when ARE you done? When is a manuscript finished? I’ve heard many published authors say even if they reread one of their books already on the shelves, they find things to change or improve.

And then, of course, even when you think you’re done, agents and/or editors may ask for more revisions, before or after you sell. On the one hand, having an industry professional point out what she considers to be a weakness is a great thing. Some authors take offense that anyone would dare to criticize their carefully crafted tomes, but most know that revision requests are often another step on the road to publication of that book.

The industry professional is interested enough in your writing and story to take the time out of her busy day to work with you. And at least now you know what to fix. But the mind boggles as I consider the advice of critiquers and work my way through requested revisions. The hard part is applying a suggestion you understand intellectually to your characters and plot.

Take, for example, the suggestion to add more motivation for a character. How much is enough? Do I need a whole new scene, or can I add to an existing one? How do I trust my gut, which obviously wasn’t right in the first place or I wouldn’t be revising?

One way, for the first 20 pages at least, is via my Romance Writer of America chapter. We give critiques at our meetings. You bring in copies of your first 20 pages and read them to the group. Then the 20+ people attending make written comments and provide an oral critique.

When I review the comments at home and see a bunch of smiley faces on a page, I’m confident that section resonates. If many members mark that don’t like something, it’s easier to accept that element should be changed than if only one person disliked it.

I used to think I knew when I was done. Maybe, as some say, the answer is you’re never done. So how do you ignore the urge to go through the pages just one more time, looking for everything from typos to missed opportunities for emotion?

Maybe the question is, “When do you let go?”

Back from San Francisco

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Just got back from the Romance Writers of America conference in San Francisco. The Today Show stopped by…

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/25966976#25966976

If you watched the video, please recall that the reporter says something like “500 authors attended the convention.” Actually, 520 authors autographed books at the booksigning for literacy shown in the story, which raised appx. $58,000 in two hours. Almost 2,000 authors and industry professionals attended the conference (not convention). A big difference, don’t you think?

Comfortable shoes and stamina (and sweaters to combat the air conditioning) were a must. Attendees had at least nine events per hour to choose from…workshops on craft, publishing, research, career and the writer’s life to chats with best-selling authors, publisher spotlights, editor/agent appointments, and publisher sponsored book signings.

I played the tambourine in the opening session, attended events hosted by special interest chapters I belong to (including Hearts Through History Romance Writers and Chick Lit Writers),
participated in a panel workshop with four fellow American Title II contest finalists on the importance of promotion before you sell, did a lot of networking and catching up with friends, and even left the hotel several times to go to restaurants and parties. I participated in the Golden Heart/RITA awards ceremony by handing the awards to the presenters.

The view from the hotel:

Now…back to work!

Life is a Hard Boiled Egg

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Remember the “cake” 1 credit college class that turned out to be a lot more work and a lot more difficult than a 3 credit class?

Why is it that sometimes things that should be easy aren’t?

Take boiling eggs. My neighbor decided to make a Nicoise salad. She covered two brown eggs with water, then boiled them for 7 minutes, but the yolks weren’t quite cooked and her fresh eggs were a challenge to peel…chunks of the white disappeared with the shell. I too decided to make a Nicoise salad. I boiled 4 white extra large eggs (not exactly fresh, past their sell by date) for 10 minutes. The middles of the yolks weren’t cooked and the eggs were hard to peel even though a couple of the shells were already cracked. The last time I’d tried to boil eggs, I’d used a “recipe” from the Chicago Tribune. That didn’t produce perfect, firm yolks with or without that telltale subtle gray rim either. Like Goldilocks’s efforts to eat porridge in The Three Bears, my eggs and my friend’s eggs were edible but none were “just right.”

A Yahoo! search of “how to boil eggs” retrieves 96,300 hits! Can there really be that many ways to, so to speak, screw in a light bulb? The first listings recommend boiling for 10-15 mins depending on how hard you want the yolk; boiling for 17 minutes; turning off the heat as soon as the water reaches a boil, covering and letting them sit for 30 minutes; and after the water boils removing them from the heat to let them sit for about 15-20 minutes.

The perfect boiled egg can take a lot of research, effort and trial and error…a metaphor for everyday life.

Despite our best efforts to plan ahead and anticipate contingencies, sometimes things just don’t turn out the way we want. We can’t control how boiling water impacts a yolk any more than we can control other people and make them do what we want: give us the job, a raise or a contract. On the other hand, sometimes the synergy of our preparation, positive thoughts and the universe yields results even better than we expected.

In life as with hard boiled eggs, we won’t know which until it’s too late.

When we’re dissatisfied with eggs that don’t turn out quite right, are we setting our standards too high? Shouldn’t we be grateful for the eggs we have? Do we keep aiming for perfection by cutting out the cooked edges of the yolks or microwaving them until done (Hmmm. Wish I’d thought of that when staring at the mushy yolks)? Or do we refill our well of hope and put another pot of water on to boil?

In any case, we should know better than to put all of our eggs in one baskett.

The Crying Bride

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This week I was hired to be part of The Go Game , a team building corporate scavenger hunt held on Chicago’s Magnificent Mile. Hundreds of players on more than 100 teams had to earn points by completing missions received on cell phones. The longer they took, the fewer points earned.

My role this time was The Crying Bride. I dare not reveal too many details about my mission, but… Garbed in white satin, veil, and Sketchers with rhinestones, I waited on the steps of Holy Name Cathedral for teams to arrive and find out why I was crying. I knew two passwords, to be revealed only when team members complied with mission requirements to my satisfaction. Then a team member had to text each password in order receive the next step in the assignment.

The sight of a “bride” seated on church stairs prompted many reactions from passersby. Many smiled and asked if I was getting married today, kids and bus tours waved, a few people took my picture. Two people actually stopped to ask if I needed help, and they were serious: a very nice post office employee in her truck, and a construction worker in a hard hat who said he’d been picked among his co-workers to talk to me. It was heartwarming to know that some people really do care about others.

My improv training and experience came in very handy because every team approached the situation differently. Some jumped right in and offered solutions to my “problem” of being abandoned by my fiance. Others, it seemed, would have let me go on wailing all day, losing precious points but appreciating my antics. I really enjoyed finding ways to make each team laugh. But in case you, dear reader, end up playing the game some day and make your way to my post, I will let you wonder what those ways might be.

Formal Wear Frustration

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I need a formal dress/evening gown because I’m going to be handing out the awards at a black tie ceremony with around 2,000 people in attendance. And like those stunning, tall models at the Oscars/Tonys who distribute statuettes, I’ll step back for the acceptance speeches and gracefully guide the winners and presenters offstage. But not like them, because I’m only 5’1″ tall.

I feel like my quest has taken me to almost every store in Chicagoland and every fashion Web site. I have devoted far more hours to this cause than anticipated, with less than satisfactory results. In my closet hangs a boring navy gown, the only one that fit. Even extensive alterations couldn’t have saved some that I tried on, according to an Evening Wear Specialist at Neiman Marcus. The saleswoman at Saks almost laughed out loud when she saw me in an size 4 ensemble that made me look like a little girl trying on her mom’s clothes.

Thanks to Bloomingdales and Nordstrom for carrying petite formalwear. Bloomies wins on largest instore selection of small sizes. Conversely, Bloomies online has fewer petite offerings than Nordstrom’s. But who wants to/is able to rack up credit card charges by ordering multiple dresses to see if one of them looks good, even with free shipping TO you (some sites have charges for returns)?

Thanks to Neiman Marcus for having by far the best selection, and surprisingly good sale prices. Thanks to barriepace.com (and, believe it or not, amazon.com!!) for carrying some petite formalwear, if not as many offerings on sale. Kudos to smartbargains.com and www.designersapparels.com for their wide selection of dresses, if not in petites.

But no thanks to evening wear designers and stores who have decided that petite women:
–only need a couple of styles to choose from while those of normal size get dozens
–are all in their 20’s, and only want baby doll/really short cocktail dresses, or are ancient or have no fashion sense, so conservative or Mother of the Bride-y gowns are de rigeur
–would prefer boring Navy over the lovely Lipstick the dress came in for nomral sizes (though I did find one hot pink gown online)
–are flat chested, so strapless, halter, and spaghetti strap gowns don’t have enough fabric on top to contain a real petite woman’s feminine bounty
–do not like wearing sparkles/sequins/beading as much as their tall friends
–appreciate that dress sizes seem to have been downsized, so a 0 is what used to be a 2, and a 2 what was a 4.

I wish I had enough entrepreneurial spirit/wherewithal to create my own line of stylish petite clothing. Any takers?

Holidays: Bah, Humbug

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When I had a full time job, I used to look forward to holidays. How nice to go to a movie, read a book, and hang out with friends/family while work was paying you to take the day off and have a good time.

Living the Gainfully Unemployed life has led to a 180. Now, holidays make me kind of cranky. I turn into a Grinchy Scrooge who no longer views holidays as opportunities for fun. They’re just days when no one will call for an audition, no one will book me for a job. There won’t be any contact with agents/editors. Rehearsals and classes I enjoy and learn from will be canceled. Not only will I not make money, I’ll probably spend it. At least some products will be on sale.

The sad part: while I realize and believe that everyone benefits from down time and relaxation to reduce stress and refill the creative well, I don’t believe I deserve a day off. Why?

1. I haven’t written nearly enough new pages so far this year, partly because I’m not really invested in a new project. Instead of keeping to my 25 new pages a week goal, I’ve been dabbling. Revisiting this idea, starting that one. I need to come up with an exciting idea ASAP so I can keep to my goal of completing a new book a year.

2. Then there’s selling the manuscripts I’ve already written. Though I have a bunch of submissions out, I should continue to work on TGAH, The Great Agent Hunt. I recently bought an opportunity to submit to a major non-fiction agent from an online charity auction to motivate me to finish a proposal I’ve been working on for over a year, but still haven’t.

3. I need to improve my audio recording and background music composing skills. I’ve downloaded Acid Express and Acid Music Studio free trials, but haven’t been able to figure out a lot of the stuff they can do.

4. Maybe if I’d spent more time on self-marketing, I’d have more bookings. I could contact producers I’ve worked with before, update my agents on the most recent gigs I’ve gotten, find new places to submit to. Let more people know about the improv show I’m in.

So you see, I don’t deserve a day off because the freelancer’s job is never done.

While almost everyone else is celebrating at barbeques and parties and watching fireworks (and sweating and getting sunburned and mosquito bitten and ingesting far more calories than they probably need), I can’t seem to help thinking about accomplishing something and being productive. Even if I don’t work on any of the aformentioned projects, I could at least clean out my storage closet. Or tackle any of the other items on my To Do list. At least then I could put a big, satisfying checkmark through a task or two I’d been meaning to get around to.

My holiday would be worthwhile.

Facebook???

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Recently I put a profile up on Facebook. You’d have to live under a rock not to have heard of it and MySpace, so I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I’m still not quite sure.

So far, FB seems like a huge online timesuck. You could spend hours searching for new friends, inviting and answering invites, writing on walls, checking everyone’s updates and adding your own. I guess some people get emotionally invested in increasing their number of friends. And by the complexity of their pages, you can tell that some have spent hours customizing and adding info.

As a cousin wrote, for me there’s just too much “social spam.” How are people I’ve never heard of finding me? Some I have friends in common with, but some I don’t. Maybe FB should include in the friending invitation info about how that person found you. I don’t yet understand all the side applications (and I think I read somewhere that some of them aren’t completely safe and might track your internet usage, etc.).

And what is the point of things like “green patch” and “friends for sale?” Someone bought me as a pet, and wants me to click to find out how much I cost. What does that mean? Nor am I that interested in playing the various games I’ve been invited to.

Maybe I’m too old to get it, or maybe I just have a different definition of fun.

Do people really meet new people via these sites? Do they connect with long lost contacts and friends…and if so, in a meaningful way? I’d bet if people took all the time they’re spending on Facebook/online games, and invested that in their careers or with their live friends/family, they’d probably get a lot more accomplished. But perhaps in today’s world, some find online relationships more satisfying than being face to face. Or…remember this…talking on the phone.

Let me know what you get out of Facebook. And maybe I’ll finally understand why it’s so popular.