When many things seem to go wrong at once, it can be even harder to maintain a positive attitude and believe there’s light at the end of the tunnel. It’s frustrating when you put dozens of irons in the fire but get little or no response. Sometimes even a rejection is better than the feeling that your audition/submission/application is floating in the ether of the Internet. The many things we can’t control, the waiting for others to offer auditions/work, etc. can be stressful. So evidence that the tide is turning brings relief and satisfaction. And creates synergy.

Acting: Quite the flurry of activity. One agent called with a direct VO booking (without an audition) that day. Another called to put me on ice for a job. And another called with another direct booking. However, I happened to be without my phone for 1 hour and 15 minutes, so she booked someone else. Sigh.

Though I missed out on that and even if I don’t get the other, it’s great to know more than one client at more than one agency is interested in hiring me. Plus the more you’re on your agents’ radar, the better. And I got a callback (the call came after 10PM, another example of why I should always have my phone) for more than 5 weeks of paid improv.

I also learned that I know a couple of the auditors of an upcoming audition. This business, like many others, can be a lot about who you’ve worked with before and who you know. I hope being among friends will help me stay in the moment (not in my head) and audition well.

Writing: The recent request to revise one of my paranormals shows that my writing and ideas are good enough to interest an editor enough to take time out of her day to call, email and be willing to work with me. I needed that shot in the arm.

The sermon, opening and benediction for the Best Church of God (discussed last week) got some good laughs. Which encourages me to do more comedy writing.

I’ve been helping a multi-published friend fix her overdue book. She’s using many of my suggestions, which reinforces that I know what I’m doing.

Other: Will be spending more time with a valued friend. Many fun social events on the calendar. I’m also redoing The Artist’s Way. Maybe that’s the catalyst for all of this forward motion?

I’m very grateful to be busy, get work and have things to look forward to. What developments are you grateful for?

When you decide to be a writer, you need to choose what to write, what market you’re aiming for and who the readers will be. Within each type of writing lies a myriad of elements to consider and balance. Then your work needs to captivate an industry professional. Is it easier when you know who that person is? Two recent experiences prove the answer is yes and no.

1) Writing for a particular director and performer. I’ve been doing the weekly Missalette (program) and short marketing pieces for The Best Church of God, a parody church service currently at Chicago’s Lakeshore Theater.

An idea for a sermon popped into my head. Having seen the show many times, I was very familiar with the style, format and subjects previously covered. I also knew that since BCOG believes in the literal word of the Bible as set down in the original English, I’d need a good sprinkling of Bible quotes to support my argument. I’d worked with the director for weeks on the program and a couple of other projects, so I had an idea of his likes/dislikes. And I’ve known the performer who’d be doing said sermon for years , and could hear his character in my head as I wrote.

This was both freeing and limiting at the same time. With each sentence I thought was funny, I’d get pulled out of “the zone” of writing by questions like, “Would the director even like the idea? Would he agree that this joke was funny? Would he take a submission from someone involved in the show but not in the ensemble?” “Would Pastor Dave convey the idea with different words?” These thoughts can halt the flow of creativity. Give you writer’s block so it takes longer than it should to complete the project.

On the other hand, if I strayed too far afield, I could reign myself back in, knowing the situation so well. I could refer to past sermons for inspiration.

Fingers crossed, I sent off a draft. The director liked it…and said he could hear Pastor Dave giving the sermon. Whew. He asked for some revisions, and said I also had to write the service opening and benediction. Interesting to see which jokes he kept, which he slashed (one in particular I thought was LOL, sigh), and which he punched up. We’ll soon see if the audience/parishioners appreciate it: why the Bible says moving corpses and desecrating graves (as in the recent Burr Oaks cemetery scandal and Mayor Daley’s wanting to move another cemetery for an O’Hare runway) is the Christian thing to do.

2) Meeting the needs of a particular editor I’d submitted my paranormal with time travel romance to.

After reading the synopsis and first 20 pages, she called to tell me she was very interested in the premise, some things she thought were clever, and the hero. But the heroine was boring as was the world building. And she wanted me to change from alternating 1st person POV to 3rd. If I’d do these things, she’d take another look.

Exciting yet troublesome at the same time. I’d heard her speak, and had had an eight minute appointment with her and now this conversation, and read books from her line, so I had some info to rely on.

I’d purposely written it so the reader would learn along about the paranormal hero as the heroine did, so most comes later. And after all, you have to introduce the characters, their attraction, and the plot, goal motivation and conflict and don’t want to have what’s known as an “information dump.” But the editor wants to be swept away by his world right away. Easier if the story starts in his paranormal environment, harder when it starts in her normal one. I’m trying a couple of approaches…we shall see.

The point is that many auteurs might just want to create and think about potential buyers and markets and where their work will fit in after their opus is finished. They might be offended by blunt criticism of their long labored over creative output, even if it comes from those who can publish them. But I believe the more you know beforehand, the better, despite the constrictions placed on creative freedom.

The time and energy invested in gaining knowledge will pay off.

Now that Bobby McFerrin song is playing in my mind…and I’ll bet yours, too!

Many of us have a lot to worry about these days. Things like supporting our families in this economy while managing to save for the future, how the kids are doing in school and whether to get an H1N1 flu shot. Things like whether family member X will get on your nerves today or you’ll get stuck in traffic. And if you’ll get everything done on that ‘to do’ list.

In the face of decreasing home values, fears of more layoffs/not finding another job if you’ve been laid off (or for the GU, always waiting for that phone to ring and keep ringing so we know our irons in the fire are paying off), health concerns, etc., how do we go about enjoying and making the most of each day? How do we maintain a positive attitude and keep smiling in the face of the disappointments, frustrations and worries large and small that pepper our lives? Just for today, can we reduce the power our concerns can have over us and allow some happiness in?

Approaches for dealing with worry include:

–Be grateful for what you do have. Sometimes when things are looking pretty grim, or when a bunch of things go wrong in a row, it’s hard to remember that there are good or great things to appreciate.
Consider listing things you are grateful for each day and keeping a gratitude journal, as described here . I’ll start: today I’m grateful for supportive and caring friends, that I have a great place to live and for the tasty leftovers in my fridge so I don’t have to think about what to have for dinner.
Other takes on the importance of gratitude can be found here and here.

–Believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes I agree, sometimes I don’t. It’s hard to accept there’s some lesson you’re supposed to learn when something doesn’t go the way you wanted. Or believe that a disappointment/rejection/failure/mistake can and will lead to something better. Here and here (a for and against debate) is info on this approach.

–Never give up hope. Often easier said than done…

–Let go of things you can’t control and move on. I’m working on this. Info here and here.

Which works best for you?

The volunteer who gets asked to do just one more thing. The mom whose kid wants another story before going to bed. The person in any relationship (significant other, sibling, co-worker) who for whatever reason has the burden of putting forth more effort and ends up doing more than her share.

Most of us have a basic desire and need to be helpful. To be appreciated and liked. This can lead us to say ‘yes’ more often than perhaps is to our benefit. And then we end up spending too much time and/or money on projects that need to be done or would be nice to do, may be interesting and even fun, but leave us wondering why we said ‘yes’ in the first place. Or we give more of our energy or money to someone or to an organization than we’re comfortable with, but often we don’t speak up and right the balance.

Some people fail to follow through on assignments they’ve accepted, don’t complete them in a timely manner or with the anticipated quality. So those who can and do deliver are usually asked to do more. Often people presume on others’ willingness, efficiency and reliability. There’s that saying, “If you want something done, ask the busiest person you know.”

Sometimes the pushing of boundaries in any relationship is so subtle you don’t notice it at first. You think, “I’ve already done/paid for X, so it’s not that big of a deal to also do/buy Y.” When does wanting to help and generosity turn into being taken advantage of or becoming a martyr? When does your well run dry…and who refills it? How do you gracefully say “no,” or “I’ve done enough for now?”

For example, I agreed to help a group with some publicity. Next they asked me to write something another volunteer had agreed to do but didn’t. Then to coordinate a small task. Then several other small things…which finally added up to more than I was willing to do. I had to say no. I felt bad, knowing they needed the help.

The Mayo Clinic says that saying no can reduce stress, here. The Washington Post’s take on why it’s often hard to say no is here. Check out more advice here.

Is there something you want to say no to? Will you?

I don’t mean the Christmas carol or how some rejected American Idol contestants think they can sing when we agree with Simon Cowell that they can’t. I’m talking about audio file quality.

This week I lost a VO job I’d already booked because the client wasn’t happy with the quality of the test audio file I sent. Ouch. He and his client liked my voice and my interpretation of the copy, but the sound of my MP3 didn’t match up to that of the male talent.

Fortunately the sting of that news was alleviated the same day by another client. They said they were so pleased with a PowerPoint narration I’d done that they want me to be the voice for their entire product line! So they didn’t hear problems in any of the 35 files I sent. And I have other clients who accept files without even asking for revisions. Maybe different clients have different technical standards. Maybe the test file was an anomaly (I offered to send another)? Or is my ear not good enough to hear issues if they occur?

The client suggested I get better monitors and recording software…to the tune of around $199/pair for the speakers and several hundred more depending on the software (not to mention the learning curve). Or I might benefit from a new preamp and/or a microphone. Because if there is a problem, it could be any one of these things. Or it could even be how the equipment interacts with my PC. Meaning maybe I’ll need a Mac.

Because I’m not sure there is a global problem, or if there is, which component of my setup is at fault, I don’t know if one change would resolve any issue, and if so, which change I should make.

I do not have patience with the trial and error method of figuring things like this out. I haven’t found an “audio engineering for VO talent” class. I have asked a couple of VO talents I know to create one, so far to no avail. I may have take a general class, though from what I can tell they focus on music/band recording, not voice, and cover equipment and technical topics I don’t need to know about. There are all kinds of tutorials and Wikis/discussion forums on the Web, but most tutorials move too slowly or don’t cover what I want to know, and with Wikis/forums it can be hard to find the answers to the specific questions I have.

So my first step is asking a VO/audio engineer I know to test my system, then have him help decide if I need to buy anything, and if so, help install and make sure I know how to use it.

Who said you have to spend money to make money?

Many full-time employees traverse the same path each day…to their offices and back, Monday to Friday, 9-5. Those who work from home may merely commute from bedroom to computer. Such routines can be either comforting or monotonous.

A Gainfully Unemployed’s week is will o’ the wisp, depending on which way the freelance winds blow. And how much discipline we have to focus on career vs. social events. I’ve started highlighting the success journal I keep so I can see at a glance where my time is going. Because my goal is to have at least 5 outgoing things every day…whether they are auditions, query letters/submissions, etc.

Some weeks, I mostly work at home. Others send me hither and yon. This past week had me traveling to:
–Greektown for a cable TV show shoot
–Humboldt Park for a print looksee
–Lakeview to see The Best Church of God. It’s an all-new each week parody church service where parishioners believe in the literal word of the Bible as set down in the original English. Check it out, here.). I’m doing the weekly Missalette and a weekly promotional piece posted in the church (theater) vestibule.
–Right after that, off to St. Charles after picking up a fellow actress for a small industrial. It took us an hour and a half each way (on the return in pouring rain) to do a two hour shoot at a coffee shop. She was the barista, I was the customer.
–The Loop (for my non-local readers, that means the area of downtown circled by our elevated train, called the “L”) for an hour and a half interview for a part time job.
–On a different day, again to the Loop for a committee meeting.
–Ravenswood for a focus group gathering.

Add in other events including lunches in Lincoln Park and River North, an appointment in Streeterville, an evening in Ukranian Village, dinner with a visiting author friend in Evanston…and you can see that a lot of this week was spent coming and going.

So I had to fit in various projects with upcoming deadlines, including writing and revising the BCOG pieces, a quick VO job, a concert press release, a flier for a committee open house, auditions I wanted to or was asked to submit, a family issue, my next contribution on the English medieval period to a group blog about historical romance (seducedbyhistory.blogspot.com).

Though I chose to make time to work on a non-fiction project, I didn’t add pages to any new fiction manuscripts or revise two that I’ve been meaning to (one for a friend who’s critiquing it and the other for an agent who said she’d look at one of my early medieval romances if I turned it into historical fiction). Or another non-fiction project with a co-author, with whom I’m meeting again soon. Or more self-marketing. I did catch up with several author and other friends…

Do you feel you have control over your schedule? What’s a good balance of work, errands/chores, social activities and personal downtime?

Many sources fuel our troubled economy, from unemployment to the tight credit market. Yet retailers want and need us to shop more. Here’s one reason why I’m shopping less: size frustration.

I just bought a pair of size 0 petite jeans. I realize some women might be thrilled to be bamboozled into thinking they’re thin enough to fit into zilch-sized jeans, but I find the concept a bit patronizing of shoppers’ intelligence. Manufacturers want us to think, “Oooh, I was an 8 last time I bought this kind of jeans, now I’m a 6. How thin am I! I don’t need to work out, I need more clothes!”

The point is that when sizes are so inconsistent, shopping becomes a chore instead of a pleasant, rewarding experience. With this designer I guess I’m now a 0, but with another I could be a 2, 4 or a 6. Or a 25, 26 or 27. Now a few also offer short, regular or long. I don’t care what size I am, I just want clothes to fit so I don’t have to try on so many. Not to mention that given the recession (yes, yes, I know it’s supposedly ending), inventories are down so the store might not have sufficient selection were I in the mood to take 10 pairs into the dressing room. I don’t have the patience or want to take the time to run from store to store.

With my former favorite jeans (Jag) I used know exactly what size I wore. I could try on any pair and they’d fit great. No alterations required (anyone who has had a pair of jeans hemmed knows how much that adds to the cost, especially if you want the “original hem.”) But suddenly I was a size smaller. Now that size doesn’t quite fit, nor does the next size down. The jeans in my closet still fit fine, so it’s not like I’ve gotten skinnier.

(I’m not going to talk about the ridiculous rise issue. If most manufacturers want to target women in their 20s and ignore shoppers over 35, that’s their choice. Low rise on women of a certain age IMO just doesn’t look good. I don’t want to feel or see that little, squishy roll of muffin top. I did buy a pair of GAP’s new 1969 slim jeans, because they were on sale and fit perfectly everywhere else [except the length], but we’ll see if I wear them with anything but a long, heavy sweater. I’ve tried one of the few brands geared toward women who aren’t in their 20s, but the styles, fit, and washes don’t interest me. And the tummy tuck panel doesn’t seem to serve its purpose.)

As to customer service and checkout, I commend Nordstrom and GAP for having helpful salespeople who not only knew their products but went out of their way to bring other jeans I might like and, equally important, do so in a timely fashion. Most other stores I’ve shopped recently haven’t had the staff to enhance the shopping experience and/or have had long checkout lines (and I waited longer than I thought reasonable at the GAP).

And, dear clothing manufacturers, I don’t enjoy shopping online. There are too many sites. All the scrolling and going back and forth makes me dizzy. Just because an item looks good on the tall, tall model doesn’t mean it’ll look good on the average or short woman. I’ve come across enough inaccurate measurement charts that the pleasure of opening the package I’ve waited for is ruined when the item doesn’t fit. A friend orders several sizes of each garment. But even with free returns, it’s too much of a hassle for me to pack the stuff back up, fill out the form and drop it off at UPS or the post office.

I rejeoiced to find a practically perfect pair of jeans at Macy’s…a DKNY petite style that was even on sale. They only had one pair in my size. When I went online to buy another, there wasn’t enough identifying info on the jeans for me to find them among the zillion hits…

How do you find the perfect pair? How can stores/designers make shopping easier?

I remember a line from the opera The Great Gatsby about people coming and going. Gatsby held huge parties at his mansion (I was one of his waitresses in the Lyric Opera production), but wasn’t close to many of his guests. In our lives, we might lose touch with someone we care about; someone we know casually might take on a more meaningful role. We meet someone new we click with, and a new friendship is born. Others come and go.

Recently, several people have returned that I’m glad to have back, including a sorority sister found on Facebook. And a few are becoming more important. For now, or the longer term?

It can be hard to define what brings a person back into your life. Coincidence, timing… or is there a reason, a purpose, some impact one of you will make on the other? For example, I recently saw an author acquaintance at a conference. We chatted for a minute, but for whatever reason didn’t make plans to talk further. Now she’s visiting Chicago and we’re going to have dinner. Maybe we’ll just catch up and have a pleasant evening. Or maybe there’s something she’ll say–even if I’ve heard it before, she might say it in a different way–to make me realize which direction I want to go or help me to view challenges from a better perspective. Maybe there’s a way we can support each other going forward.

Are there people you miss? I miss two. One is a friend from college; we stayed close for many years…way before long distance was cheap and email, texting and Facebook kept people in constant contact. I’m not sure why we lost touch. And I can’t find her online.

The other is a friend I met years ago at a writing conference. We had so much in common we’d even brought the same pair of Ann Taylor pants to wear for the dressiest event. For awhile we talked every week to make sure we were on track with our life and writing goals. She came to visit a couple of times and we saw each other at other conferences. Then she adopted a daughter (and became one of those moms she said she wouldn’t…too busy to talk/keep in touch). She did email to say she’d call–several weeks ago. I’m sure when she does call, we’ll pick up right where we left off.

When one person’s lifestyle changes, the dynamic of the friendship often changes, too. When friends have kids and get caught up in whole new world of mom things. When you or a co-worker gets a different job. How do you maintain what you had, or do you accept that a new phase has begun?

And what about the people you’d rather not have in your life…a boss you don’t get along with, an annoying family member or someone who always seems to call/want something at the most inconvenient times (like the neighbor in the recently released Extract)? Can you gracefully find a way to limit communication or do you have to suck it up and put on a smile?

Then there are the friends you know you’ll have for the rest of your life. For whatever reason, there are people who just get you. Those you can always count on.

Thanks to my friends, just for being.

Do you believe in signs?

When you’re making a major decision–whether to accept a job offer, move in with someone, get involved with a volunteer project–do you rely only mainly on facts or feelings? You might do research and weigh the pros/cons. Rely on an advisory board of friends/family. Listen to your gut or subconscience, if one of them tells you something you can understand. Maybe you pray to whatever power you believe in to send or help you choose the answer. Maybe you look for signs (a guy said he decided to date me instead of someone else because as he was driving and pondering, he saw a truck with my last name on it). Chances are you go with a combination of some or all of the above.

Sometimes the options seem overwhelming and outcomes difficult to predict. Maybe you’re caught between a rock and a hard place, where no path looks promising. Or you fear making a huge mistake that can’t be undone. Then you freeze, and do nothing. You hope the situation will change or resolve on its own, an obvious solution will surface. How do you handle lingering doubts so they don’t get in your way? Have you ever known you were making the wrong decision, but went ahead with it?

Recall Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

In the past few months I’ve been struggling with much of the above as it relates to my writing. Should I start yet another new project…if so, which genre, which story to tell? Revise one(s) I have? Finish a non-fiction project? Keep submitting, believing it’s all about ‘right place, right time?’ Believe one of the submissions already out there will lead to representation/a sale and show me the way? Just give up and get a day job?

I’ve sort of been pursuing all of these options, to cover my bases. Yet this approach makes me feel scattered, that I’m losing focus and not getting enough done. I thought the writers’ conference I attended in July would re-inspire me, and/or perhaps I’d meet someone who’d help me move forward (a friend happened to choose a lunch table with an empty seat next to her…and the person who sat there is now her agent. I did talk a lot with a successful author I’ve known for years who offered to critique one of my partials; she sent comments on the first chapter and I’m deciding how to address her suggestions.)

I’ve already spent years working on getting published….insanity or persistence? In some respects taking the path of least resistance can be easier, whether or not that’s really what you want or is your best choice. For me, right now, quitting, doing nothing are easiest. Submitting more isn’t that hard. Revising, starting fresh or finishing projects is much more difficult and time consuming. What to do?

Maybe I just got a sign, in the form of a contest judge’s comments on my latest opus. She wrote, in part, I’d love to see the writer – who is quite gifted with words, grammar, sentence structure, and generally good writing – come up with something fresher that’s never been done. Would love to see this author go totally off the deep end with a high concept story that will bowl over editors and agents. The writer obviously has a LOT of talent. Go deep…take chances…be wild and creative…you never know what will happen!

You have a great knack for the written word…you just need a stronger story…. Keep working at it…you’re almost there. I can sense it for you!

Is this just one published author’s opinion, a red herring, or my new direction? Every aspiring author knows agents/editors want something fresh and high concept. A strong story. Obviously I think mine is all these things (and have received other feedback supporting my opinion), or I wouldn’t have written/entered it. Is receiving this advice at this time the push I need to move forward? If so, how do I ‘go totally off the deep end,’ without pushing the envelope too far?

How do I know?

Most of us of a certain age remember Sally Field saying something like this when she accepted an Academy Award (hard to believe that was back in 1985 for Places in the Heart. And I checked, she didn’t say, “You like me. You really like me,” which I think is what most of us remember.). The point is that despite all of her career successes, she genuinely seemed pleased to be so esteemed.

The title of today’s entry could also be about the song Love the One You’re With (Stephen Stills, 1970, covered by The Isley Brothers in 1971) and the vicissitudes of dating. But I’m talking about the importance of being appreciated. Validated.

I’m very pleased to have a new voiceover client who keeps telling me how happy his client is with my work and how much they love my voice.

Yes, yes, we’ve all heard about true happiness and contentment coming from within. That you have to love yourself before you can love another. How it’s all about living in the moment, enjoying the journey and what you have, not the outcome. That having the biggest house, most money or receiving the highest accolades won’t make you happy. We could spend all day staring at ourselves in the mirror repeating affirmations about how great we are or how much power we have (like Amy Adam’s Rose in Sunshine Cleaning)…maybe that would help.

Who doesn’t like to know they’ve done a great job? Who wouldn’t want to hear the guy they’re dating say they think you’re beautiful or, “No, those pants don’t make you look fat?” Maybe for some it’s enough just to bask in the glow of the verbiage. But if you’re paying attention, a compliment delivered the wrong way can make you look askance at the giver and/or wonder about their sincerity or what they are trying to get you to do. And a vast part of communication is via body language. Many studies/experts say that the meaning of a message comes 7% from the actual words, 38% how they’re spoken and 55% from body language. So in today’s world of e-mail, IM and texting, assessing the true intent and meaning behind nice sentiments typed quickly on a tiny keyboard can be difficult.

The value of a compliment can live on long after the words are spoken. I’m collecting testimonials from satisfied clients to help attract new clients. I’ve heard of authors making lists of great things readers, contest judges or industry professionals have said about their work to refer to in down times or to help get past rejections.

So the next time you think someone has done a good job, if someone means something special to you, take a moment to say so. As they say, pay it forward.